Home is where the heart is.

I spent three weeks home and I did not want to leave. Where is home? For first time after long time I felt like home in Greece where my family is, my parents, my grand mum, my uncles and aunts, my cousins and some closed friends.And of course zouzou, my cat!

I felt warm and safe with so much unconditional love,full of questions like do you want an orange juice, have you eaten pie, are you warm, are you ok?????

nothing bothered me, I enjoyed everything.

I could not hold my tears at the airport when I had to say goodbye to the two people I love mostly, dad and Kiki. It's those few moments before you board when you manage to say everything you want, like I love you guys, take care of yourselves,already miss you cause you are my port, my safety net no matter what!

I returned to my apartment and PJ Harvey's song, One day I know there will be a placed called home, was in my ears.....how many homes can someone have? in how many places your heart can be????? in many I guess

It's a nice day.....if you like the rain!

I could not stop laughing when the taxi driver told me that with a big smile while picking me up from the station....

words of wisdom, simple words which reflect a half full glass and not a half empty...

The last months I try to be positive but I give up very often ending up more erratic than the Irish weather.I expect too much from those who surround me, get easily disappointed, act spontaneously, regret immediately. Being impatient to achieve peace I forget which are my goals.I try to find distractions from those things who stress me, but on the other hand I do know that only when I face them I ll be again like Greek weather...sunny, smiling, warm,generous with the others, human...until then I have to say that every day is nice cause I do like the rain!!!!

Would you like a turn down????

I haven't written for more than 2 months, lack of inspiration or better lack of time!

I spent the last 2 weeks in the Hague with a small group of people,

we talked about art.53 among other things, I complained how unfriendly to high heels the Hague is, we laughed a lot and said au revoir for March.

back to the ocean view, with 3 new books, 2 new pairs of shoes while reading newspapers with coffee I cannot stop smiling thinking of the question whether I would like a turn down?????

PS. A six hour movie is waiting for me on the coffee table, a wonderful memory of a rainy day in Leiden with a young boy!

Jasmin roots

today is my name day

The biggest celebration for all the Greek Orthodox.

I'm sitting in the garden drinking a glass of cold prosecco realizing how deeply rooted I am in this part of the world. The aroma of the jasmin while closing my eyes makes me feel really blessed. Only those who were born in mediterranean can share this feeling..

the number of adios

only today I realized that the number of phone calls you make to say goodbye to people, the number of coffees you drink with them and the last minute lunches and drinks you try to schedule indicates your connection with the place you live.

I was never connected to cities apart from NY. I was always connected to situations and people.

It provided me with a sense of freedom that I consider necessary.

today though I felt a bit different, cause the number of adios made my return more tolerable.....

Bookstores as beautiful as purple butterflies

I had to kill 15 minutes to pick up a bouquet so I decided to visit an old bookstore in Galway famous for its second hand department.

I opened the door and my heart smiled.It was full of silent people, focused on book hunting in a sacred manner.

I strolled around and after 5 minutes I ended up with 6 books.

I paid and walked out surrounded by an aura of calmness.

I cannot describe the magic of bookstores, either in Thessaloniki or in NY or in Paris or in Berlin or in Istanbul. Small bookstores full of smells and silence always occupied by interesting figures.

Someone told me that the best way to get to know to a city is visiting its bookstores and more and more I realize how right he was.

Evacuation kit...

This afternoon my ceiling started leaking.

all my sandals were in dangerous distance to be ruined...panicky I removed them to the other room together with a pile of books I selected to take with me in Greece. While waiting my landlord I started thinking, what my evacuation priorities were.

I made sure that my shoes and books together with my laptop were safe. I didn't care for the clothes and the furniture.

3 years ago in NY I had to evacuate my apartment. That time I took with me my passport, wallet and my USB sticks, no coat no shoes even though it was 2 am and cold.

how indicative of the evolution of our life the evacuation kit is.......

Breaking up with old T-shirts

The last 3 years I worship anything I bring back from NY:clothes, mugs, posters..even the previous laptop which crashed twice before I replace it and for those who know me I used to be the 5 laptop within 2 months girl!

This afternoon while packing for my vacation I decided to leave back some t-shirts I bought the last day before I move from NYC..I never thought I could have the strength to break up with them, but I felt suddenly that it's time to move on. Stop mystifying my past or my future and focus on my present.

I folded the t-shirts, put them back in the drawer and smiled.

It's a matter of time to move on...like everything else in life!

I'll take the rain.....cause the colors of the rainbow are breathtaking....

The last week rains all the time...

A friend who knows me very well, sent me this song of REM:

"I'll Take The Rain"

The rain came down
The rain came down
The rain came down on me.

The wind blew strong
The summer song
Fades to memory

I knew you when
I loved you then
The summer's young and helpless.

You laid me bare
You marked me there
The promises we made.

I used to think
As birds take wing
They sing through life so why can't we?
You cling to this
You claim the best
If this is what you're offering
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain.

The nighttime creases
Summer schemes
And stretches out to stay.
The sun shines down
You came around
You love easy days.

But now the sun,
The winter's come.
I wanted just to say
That if I hold
I'd hope you'd fold Open up inside, inside of me.

I used to think
As birds take wing
They sing through life so why can't we?
You cling to this
You claim the best
If this is what you're offering
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain.

This winter song
I'll sing along
I've searched its still refrain
I'll walk alone
I've given this, take wing
Celebrate the rain.

I used to think
As birds take wing
They sing through life so why can't we?
You cling to this
You claim the best
If this is what you're offering
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain.

and I sing I'll take the rain watching the most beautiful rainbow ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!simple...

Sorrows of the Elderly

The old are kind.

The young are hot.

Love may be blind.

Desire is not.

Leonard Cohen, Book of Longing

Turkish coffee in an NY mug

This afternoon I made a cup of Turkish coffee after long time.

I felt sodade for the summer afternoon in Greece...I pictured my grandmum boiling her coffee and then sitting in the veranda, complaining about the heat...and I smiled, felt suddenly warm despite the nasty Irish weather.

The sight of a special mag I bought in NY and always carry the last years, brought another flow of memories...

NYC with Fatos and Angela strolling around, being introduced by the two ladies to the tea culture...I felt even warmer...Yesterday I didn't know how to gather the broken pieces...today the aroma of the coffee, the thought of family and friends, made me realize that it's the small things that bring us balance, the secret is to boil the aromatic coffee and use the right mug...

Fragile as a Murano glass

The last 5 days I was in Venice for work. I always buy a Murano piece when I'm there..this time I bought a pair of earrings to replace the ones I lost in Poland...

beautiful sparkling earrings.

lately I feel as fragile as a Murano glass, supersensitive, incapable of taking any decision, doubtful of my ability to judge people and situations..

I'm staring at the Murano earrings and wonder how I will stop falling into many broken pieces but I have no answer...

weather compromise and not ONLY?????

This morning the taxi driver asked me; nice morning eh? dry...and I replied yes nice morning...
If I were anywhere else I would say, are you kidding me?this morning is miserable! grey moody...there is no sun....but instead I agreed with him...maybe cause I wanted to be polite or not in the mood for talking before coffee....
after having slightly woken up at the office with the smell of the first coffee, I realized that I have compromised with lower standards of weather's acceptance...but what if it's not the only compromise I have made in my life?
How scary is at the end to compromise especially when your illusions are fragile like mine as someone told me yesterday, scolding me that the fresh ocean air should strengthen them and not dissolve them.....
I think I need a second coffee..

Evening and after many coffees and a glass of Irish whisky, compromises seem to fly away by the ocean wind...like my mind cleared up in a magic way.....

Sunday mornings with coffee, newspapers and music...

the more I grow up, the more I realize how much I love Sunday mornings...there is a mystification I  cannot explain...

as a student I hated Sundays, especially afternoons when I had to study for next morning school...later in the university, in Thessaloniki Sunday morning meant lots of sleep, a Turkish coffee with cigarettes and newspapers in an old cafe in front of the sea while older people played backgammon ....Sunday mornings were also special in New Orleans, listening to jazz in the sunny living room with big open windows of the white colonial house or in New York, getting ready for real brunch and a gallery visit, after the first coffee and the New York Times reading.....Sunday mornings  at home where dad makes coffee and brings three/four newspapers and each of us gets isolated in his own world but at the same time connected with each other in a smiling way..or at my place in Ireland, where I make my coffee, read my newspapers, make a second coffee, listen to music and dream a Sunday smile...prolonging for ever this magic....trying to find the way of  keeping that feeling alive the rest  of the week...

of books and other mysteries...

Last week I lost a book together with a pair of earings and a caricature.....

the second book I had bought, survived ...this morning drinking my first coffee I opened the second book but I couldn't read even the first page cause I got suddenly so sad....

I realized that it's not the lost book itself I mourned but its link to the place I bought it and the people I bought it with...books have their own stories, it's not only their content, their smell, the pleasure of touching the pages.... the mystery of books is about our stories, our moments in time..... I will always mourn that book.....

Right to disappear

First time I realized the refreshment of this right when I lived in NYC..... so liberating to stroll around Manhattan and feel that no one knows me...

I thought I exercised the same right the last 10 days...with people I met for first time and shared thoughts and feelings and tears and laughing...

I became 31 only, custo Maria law and other legal rules, little girl, felt the heaven and hell, thought I was alive again....

now back in reality I can see the thin line between this right and the choice of running away....it looks like the last 10 days I run away....

Hello Kitty

The daughter of my best friend adores anything which has the sign of Hello Kitty....
She is an adorable three year old girl who loves pink dresses and shoes!
This morning I found a Hello Kitty coin bank and took it for her..immediately it made my day despite my cold and my grumpy mood....
Why do we like some people and we don't like others...it's all about chemistry as they say. Same rules apply in a relationship" We simply didn't have chemistry, not your fault".....
But actually how true is that?what causes this click between people, what makes you wanna share everything with someone you barely know and you feel distant with someone you have spent hours and minutes and seconds together?
Is it my love for her mum who I consider the sister I never had, the experiences we shared together 8 years ago or is it chemistry?????
I don't know and I don't care at the end.... cause the idea of her excitement when she takes the gift made my night as well.......

the neighbour....

The last days I read a lot about Turkey, the neighbour
Apart from the political context that we follow( the Greeks I mean) a series of cultural/every day events take place in the neighbour country...whose name haunted me as a child cause I grew up with the fear of a potential war and the thought of the "bad" Turk.
It's almost 10 years now I meet Turkish people, my best friends are Turkish, I fell in love twice with Turkish men and I know that I have lost piece of my heart in Istanbul.....
There is a movie called, Guz Sancisi, The pain of Autumn and refers to the riots taking place against the non-Muslim minorities of Istanbul in September 1955 via the love story of a Turkish man and a Greek whore.
It's the first time in Turkey they deal with this taboo topic and the reaction has been unpredictable...more and more people attend the movie and leave the theatres silent.......

Yesterday it was May 1.In Istanbul 32 years ago 34 people were killed in Taxim square during the labour march. The killings were never investigated but after that it was prohibited to celebrate May 1...until this year...this year for first time the Government allowed people to march in Taxim.....several trade unions/leftist groups were there and as I read their anthem was the song Antonis of Mikis Theodorakis from his work Mauthausen.......

today I read an article for a restaurant in Istanbul called the garden of Maria..She is a Greek from Poli married to a Turkish man with origins from Crete..she speaks Turkish he speaks Greek with Cretan accent....and the food is a mixture of sea food with aroma of Anatolia...

then why did I grow up with the fear of the bad Turk, when I found love and support from my enemy, who I trust more than many co-patriots...
I smile, listening to Nil Karaibrahimgil, while in my mind are the conversations with all those Turkish friends and our hope for a better future....cause it's a matter of generations damn it....

Selection criteria for seeking directions......

Lately I'm reading a lot on selection criteria for prosecuting war crimes...today while walking on campus someone asked me for directions.....
I couldn't help him but I started thinking, how do we choose who we ask for directions????
My first thought was people who seem to be nice, open, approachable...same stuff when we look for someone to take a picture of us..in that case he/she must look also reliable, not for taking a good photo, simply not running away with your cam....
Someone though dissolved my illusion, suggesting something less ideal about these criteria..
Going back to the context of war crimes, someone made a reference to the Greek verb "κρίνω", where the word criteria comes from....
no matter what, whether they choose cause you are open or you are cute, at the very end the result is the same.....this κρίση makes you feel much better......

Keep the knowledge inside.......

8 years ago in NOLA, the night before an exam 3 girls studied wearing huts!
The RA knocked our door, got surprised by our outfit and asked why?
and M. responded:"to keep the knowledge inside........."

3 years ago in NYC, a beloved friend explained why I like working with a candle...the flame keeps you focused and calm...

This afternoon listening to music trying to focus and keep the knowledge inside I lightened some candles and wore a hood......smiling for experiences I only now appreciate...