Breaking up with old T-shirts

The last 3 years I worship anything I bring back from NY:clothes, mugs, posters..even the previous laptop which crashed twice before I replace it and for those who know me I used to be the 5 laptop within 2 months girl!

This afternoon while packing for my vacation I decided to leave back some t-shirts I bought the last day before I move from NYC..I never thought I could have the strength to break up with them, but I felt suddenly that it's time to move on. Stop mystifying my past or my future and focus on my present.

I folded the t-shirts, put them back in the drawer and smiled.

It's a matter of time to move on...like everything else in life!

I'll take the rain.....cause the colors of the rainbow are breathtaking....

The last week rains all the time...

A friend who knows me very well, sent me this song of REM:

"I'll Take The Rain"

The rain came down
The rain came down
The rain came down on me.

The wind blew strong
The summer song
Fades to memory

I knew you when
I loved you then
The summer's young and helpless.

You laid me bare
You marked me there
The promises we made.

I used to think
As birds take wing
They sing through life so why can't we?
You cling to this
You claim the best
If this is what you're offering
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain.

The nighttime creases
Summer schemes
And stretches out to stay.
The sun shines down
You came around
You love easy days.

But now the sun,
The winter's come.
I wanted just to say
That if I hold
I'd hope you'd fold Open up inside, inside of me.

I used to think
As birds take wing
They sing through life so why can't we?
You cling to this
You claim the best
If this is what you're offering
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain.

This winter song
I'll sing along
I've searched its still refrain
I'll walk alone
I've given this, take wing
Celebrate the rain.

I used to think
As birds take wing
They sing through life so why can't we?
You cling to this
You claim the best
If this is what you're offering
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain
I'll take the rain.

and I sing I'll take the rain watching the most beautiful rainbow ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!simple...

Sorrows of the Elderly

The old are kind.

The young are hot.

Love may be blind.

Desire is not.

Leonard Cohen, Book of Longing

Turkish coffee in an NY mug

This afternoon I made a cup of Turkish coffee after long time.

I felt sodade for the summer afternoon in Greece...I pictured my grandmum boiling her coffee and then sitting in the veranda, complaining about the heat...and I smiled, felt suddenly warm despite the nasty Irish weather.

The sight of a special mag I bought in NY and always carry the last years, brought another flow of memories...

NYC with Fatos and Angela strolling around, being introduced by the two ladies to the tea culture...I felt even warmer...Yesterday I didn't know how to gather the broken pieces...today the aroma of the coffee, the thought of family and friends, made me realize that it's the small things that bring us balance, the secret is to boil the aromatic coffee and use the right mug...

Fragile as a Murano glass

The last 5 days I was in Venice for work. I always buy a Murano piece when I'm there..this time I bought a pair of earrings to replace the ones I lost in Poland...

beautiful sparkling earrings.

lately I feel as fragile as a Murano glass, supersensitive, incapable of taking any decision, doubtful of my ability to judge people and situations..

I'm staring at the Murano earrings and wonder how I will stop falling into many broken pieces but I have no answer...

weather compromise and not ONLY?????

This morning the taxi driver asked me; nice morning eh? dry...and I replied yes nice morning...
If I were anywhere else I would say, are you kidding me?this morning is miserable! grey moody...there is no sun....but instead I agreed with him...maybe cause I wanted to be polite or not in the mood for talking before coffee....
after having slightly woken up at the office with the smell of the first coffee, I realized that I have compromised with lower standards of weather's acceptance...but what if it's not the only compromise I have made in my life?
How scary is at the end to compromise especially when your illusions are fragile like mine as someone told me yesterday, scolding me that the fresh ocean air should strengthen them and not dissolve them.....
I think I need a second coffee..

Evening and after many coffees and a glass of Irish whisky, compromises seem to fly away by the ocean wind...like my mind cleared up in a magic way.....

Sunday mornings with coffee, newspapers and music...

the more I grow up, the more I realize how much I love Sunday mornings...there is a mystification I  cannot explain...

as a student I hated Sundays, especially afternoons when I had to study for next morning school...later in the university, in Thessaloniki Sunday morning meant lots of sleep, a Turkish coffee with cigarettes and newspapers in an old cafe in front of the sea while older people played backgammon ....Sunday mornings were also special in New Orleans, listening to jazz in the sunny living room with big open windows of the white colonial house or in New York, getting ready for real brunch and a gallery visit, after the first coffee and the New York Times reading.....Sunday mornings  at home where dad makes coffee and brings three/four newspapers and each of us gets isolated in his own world but at the same time connected with each other in a smiling way..or at my place in Ireland, where I make my coffee, read my newspapers, make a second coffee, listen to music and dream a Sunday smile...prolonging for ever this magic....trying to find the way of  keeping that feeling alive the rest  of the week...

of books and other mysteries...

Last week I lost a book together with a pair of earings and a caricature.....

the second book I had bought, survived ...this morning drinking my first coffee I opened the second book but I couldn't read even the first page cause I got suddenly so sad....

I realized that it's not the lost book itself I mourned but its link to the place I bought it and the people I bought it with...books have their own stories, it's not only their content, their smell, the pleasure of touching the pages.... the mystery of books is about our stories, our moments in time..... I will always mourn that book.....

Right to disappear

First time I realized the refreshment of this right when I lived in NYC..... so liberating to stroll around Manhattan and feel that no one knows me...

I thought I exercised the same right the last 10 days...with people I met for first time and shared thoughts and feelings and tears and laughing...

I became 31 only, custo Maria law and other legal rules, little girl, felt the heaven and hell, thought I was alive again....

now back in reality I can see the thin line between this right and the choice of running away....it looks like the last 10 days I run away....

Hello Kitty

The daughter of my best friend adores anything which has the sign of Hello Kitty....
She is an adorable three year old girl who loves pink dresses and shoes!
This morning I found a Hello Kitty coin bank and took it for her..immediately it made my day despite my cold and my grumpy mood....
Why do we like some people and we don't like others...it's all about chemistry as they say. Same rules apply in a relationship" We simply didn't have chemistry, not your fault".....
But actually how true is that?what causes this click between people, what makes you wanna share everything with someone you barely know and you feel distant with someone you have spent hours and minutes and seconds together?
Is it my love for her mum who I consider the sister I never had, the experiences we shared together 8 years ago or is it chemistry?????
I don't know and I don't care at the end.... cause the idea of her excitement when she takes the gift made my night as well.......

the neighbour....

The last days I read a lot about Turkey, the neighbour
Apart from the political context that we follow( the Greeks I mean) a series of cultural/every day events take place in the neighbour country...whose name haunted me as a child cause I grew up with the fear of a potential war and the thought of the "bad" Turk.
It's almost 10 years now I meet Turkish people, my best friends are Turkish, I fell in love twice with Turkish men and I know that I have lost piece of my heart in Istanbul.....
There is a movie called, Guz Sancisi, The pain of Autumn and refers to the riots taking place against the non-Muslim minorities of Istanbul in September 1955 via the love story of a Turkish man and a Greek whore.
It's the first time in Turkey they deal with this taboo topic and the reaction has been unpredictable...more and more people attend the movie and leave the theatres silent.......

Yesterday it was May 1.In Istanbul 32 years ago 34 people were killed in Taxim square during the labour march. The killings were never investigated but after that it was prohibited to celebrate May 1...until this year...this year for first time the Government allowed people to march in Taxim.....several trade unions/leftist groups were there and as I read their anthem was the song Antonis of Mikis Theodorakis from his work Mauthausen.......

today I read an article for a restaurant in Istanbul called the garden of Maria..She is a Greek from Poli married to a Turkish man with origins from Crete..she speaks Turkish he speaks Greek with Cretan accent....and the food is a mixture of sea food with aroma of Anatolia...

then why did I grow up with the fear of the bad Turk, when I found love and support from my enemy, who I trust more than many co-patriots...
I smile, listening to Nil Karaibrahimgil, while in my mind are the conversations with all those Turkish friends and our hope for a better future....cause it's a matter of generations damn it....

Selection criteria for seeking directions......

Lately I'm reading a lot on selection criteria for prosecuting war crimes...today while walking on campus someone asked me for directions.....
I couldn't help him but I started thinking, how do we choose who we ask for directions????
My first thought was people who seem to be nice, open, approachable...same stuff when we look for someone to take a picture of us..in that case he/she must look also reliable, not for taking a good photo, simply not running away with your cam....
Someone though dissolved my illusion, suggesting something less ideal about these criteria..
Going back to the context of war crimes, someone made a reference to the Greek verb "κρίνω", where the word criteria comes from....
no matter what, whether they choose cause you are open or you are cute, at the very end the result is the same.....this κρίση makes you feel much better......

Keep the knowledge inside.......

8 years ago in NOLA, the night before an exam 3 girls studied wearing huts!
The RA knocked our door, got surprised by our outfit and asked why?
and M. responded:"to keep the knowledge inside........."

3 years ago in NYC, a beloved friend explained why I like working with a candle...the flame keeps you focused and calm...

This afternoon listening to music trying to focus and keep the knowledge inside I lightened some candles and wore a hood......smiling for experiences I only now appreciate...

Hydrate cream

This morning I went to buy a hydrate cream for my face.
A simple procedure I thought.
The beauty girl though had another opinion. She told me in the most arrogant way that the cream I use is not for my age!!!!!!!!!!!!!as she emphasized it is for women in their 20s!
I smiled, insisted on taking the "young cream" and walked out with the air of a 30 year old woman who feels 20!
It's a damn hydrate cream.....at the end

The C word

The last 2 days I have interesting conversations with friends on compromise and commitment!How far can or should you compromise in a relationship? where is the point of no return?
If you haven't compromised so far, does that mean that you have never been in love?
and what if you have commitment problems and you simply ignore them? what if you keep falling for emotionally unavailable people? is that a sign?
What if you are someone who gets easily bored, cannot picture himself/herself in the same place, doing the same job for ever?does that mean that you have a commitment problem regarding relationships as well?that you cannot be with the same person for ever?and if yes, when you ask yourself: what are you looking for, what do you want from a partner?If you are 30+1 like me and you cannot answer, should you be panicked?????

difficult times for 30 sth people......

Beirut, Jools Holland, A Sunday Smile

Simply beautiful

40 days....

40 days:
in Greece we mourn someone for 40 days, we fast before Christmas and Easter for 40 days, the first 40 days of a baby are the most important ones etc.
Kiki stayed with me for 40 days.
Last night when she left we both didn't believe we survived.
After 40 days we both closed a chapter of our life and celebrated the beginning of a new one, together with the magic number....

Facing your fears

London, a city I love but recently associated with someone I lost from my life.
I was scared to come and be alone in London so I spent my birthday with friends, participated in a conference and asked Kiki to come earlier and meet me here..she hasn't been here almost 25 years.She hates London cause it's associated with a difficult period in her life.
We decided to face our fears here together, to demystify the city, we did the same thing 3 years ago in NY, same time, she was there for me when Ia sked her.

The view of the sunset is gorgeous while listening to Mazzy Star and fade into you.....

The Frames - Star Star **

Star star, teach me how to shine shine....
the perfect song while reading the Little Prince, being filmed in the city I adore....

Words full of smells and flavors...

The last week two very good friends gave me a book and a cd.
The book is The Little Prince.The cd is a collection of traditional songs from Izmir together with a book explaining the history and music of this multicultural city.
I read the little prince when I was a kid and I still have the book at my parent's house.
20 years later I bought it for a little girl I never met, but thought that it's the best book to start reading.
The little prince is next to my bed 3 days now and makes me feel safe cause I wake up and feel like kid again.The music makes me cry cause I feel sodade for an area I deeply love but have left so many years ago....
In both cases the smile comes when I read the notes of my friends.Simple words, words full of love and warmth which bring smells and flavors....and lots of sun....

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